well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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