Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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