I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
