Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
