some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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