Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
