It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think i got beer on your cat.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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