The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I deserve this hangover.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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