the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think people are normalizing furries
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
