rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
