I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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