some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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