just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
