this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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