people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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