you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
