Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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