We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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