I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
