Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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