Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You can't motorboat a personality
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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