I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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