Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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