I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize