we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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