i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Congratulations! We have a period
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
