party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
