you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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