I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
