He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
