So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
