we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
