Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
