Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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