i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
