forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i think i have two assholes
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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