It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
