i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
