Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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