He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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