My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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