Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
