Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
