Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
