I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
