I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
