she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
