why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
