i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
