i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
