I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
