woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
