i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
