my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize