he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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