And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize