and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
