is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
