he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
