Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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