What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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