being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
They are going to name an STD after you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
