its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
