its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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