so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
