I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
