**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
