If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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