a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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